Would You Please?
The Art of Asking Someone for Assistance
We ask people to do things for us every day. No matter your position, no matter the isolation, we are in this together and we need one another. Therefore, we ask for things. If we get them most of the time, we are probably doing well.
I’d like us to stop and think about how we ask for things. Particularly when we are under pressure. What happens when we are under a deadline, have something go wrong or a curveball gets thrown at us at the last minute, is that we can lose it.
What’s it? Our manners, our courage, our composure, our willingness, our integrity. We never want to do that, but even if we have, probably all has been forgiven.
Some of you old-timers, like me, were raised on Situational Leadership. Hopefully, it’s down to our DNA now and this quick refresher will just give us some direct, current application. If I’m honest with myself, even though I was raised on this stuff, I need the reminder.
So, for those of you who were not brought up on Situational Leadership, I am pleased to introduce you to it and add it as a tool to your peaceful productivity belt. It is powerful. It’s all about knowing when you ask someone to do something their level of ability (Competence) and motivation (Commitment) to do it and providing the direction and support necessary.
The real leader is the person who best knows how to do something. Sometimes, it’s not even in their job description, but you know that person is the go-to for that situation. It could be technology. While I am the CEO of my organization, I am definitely not the leader of technology. Though I am getting better at it recently!
There are other people on our team I can just throw the ball to and they will catch it and run with it. When I do that, I am Delegating a technology task to a Self-Reliant Achiever. It takes me very little time and effort to get it done. By definition, the Self-Reliant Achiever is highly capable and highly motivated to do what I have asked.
We are each Self-Reliant Achievers for certain tasks. We don’t need instructions. If someone details to us how to do it, we roll our eyes. If I tell the master plumber how to install the sink, he will think I’ve got a marble loose.
But not everyone is a Self-Reliant Achiever in everything we may ask them to do. That is what makes it “situational” and not personal. You have to consider when you ask someone to do something whether it is something they are well-prepared and well-motivated to do. In the case of the master plumber, as long as I pay him enough, it will happen.
Let’s look at the other circumstances above. Let’s say I ask someone with zero experience to do something. How about scheduling appointments? That seems simple enough, right? It is not that easy. That person needs direction. You can’t just delegate to an Enthusiastic Beginner, you need to provide more information. They require direction. You’ll leave them wondering what to do if you throw them the ball and they’ve never played the game. They may give it a go but if they don’t know who to call, what to say or when you want to schedule an appointment. If they run into rejection, their motivation may wane and their enthusiasm diminishes, as they recognize that they don’t know the clients and some of them don’t return their phone call. It’s harder than they thought. They become discouraged and may avoid the task.
They move into the next category, the Disillusioned Learner. This person needs further direction and some encouragement and motivation to boot. You don’t want to just toss them the ball. They may drop it without checking in with whether they understand what to do and some confidence from the coach.
Or you’ve asked someone to do something you know they know how to do, but they are busy or it’s not really part of their job description. You don’t need to really give them direction, they need support. They are the Capable, but Cautious Performer. You might want to bring them into your world. Let them know why what you are asking for is important to the team and to them. Let them be part of the decision making and give them room to do it their way. Respect their other obligations and let them know you appreciate their ability and willingness. In other words, give them your support when asking them to do the task.
I challenge you to look at your team and yourself and recognize that every person on your team is every one of these people depending upon what you are asking of them. When you ask, consider where they may be and ask with the appropriate direction and support if you are looking for a successful outcome.
I’ve had people tell me, particularly senior people, I shouldn’t have to go through all this; I should just ask. Well, my friends, it’s just not that simple. And if you look in the mirror, you’ll see why. We are all uncomfortable with some tasks, even when they are necessary. And in most cases, it takes less time to give the necessary direction and support than to do it yourself. So, don’t just go it alone. Ask, but ask thoughtfully.
For more information, you can download a free situational leadership ebook.
Here are just a few more reminders, as we are often in tense situations these days, to use a bit of etiquette along with Situational Leadership:
Unless it is truly urgent, don’t interrupt someone from doing a task to ask them to do another task.
Ask with a polite tone, no matter who you are.
Ask if they need any clarification or further information.
Ask if they will be able to manage to complete the task before the required deadline, given their other responsibilities.
Show appreciation.
Remember, this is not just for the C-Suite. We are all leaders; we all need to get others to help make things work. We ask each other and clients and our families to participate with us all the time. Let’s make things work more effectively and harmoniously.
I’d like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to my highly capable team. I appreciate how they take the ball and run with it, especially the past few weeks. Way to go, team!
If you’d like more support with this, it’s on me. If you have any questions, please email me at or contact Gail Andersen.
About the Author
Bernie DeLaRosa, CFP®, ChFC®, CRPC®, CLU®, APMA®, CASL®, BFA™
Managing Business Consultant
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