Leading Yourself Through Challenging Times
Three Growing Pains that Yield Gains
“What if the only thing in your own way is you?”
Some people are their own worst enemy. They sabotage their efforts and leave a wake of disaster in their path. Surely, you know someone like this. Just don’t be that person. Be kind to yourself as well as others. Consider the impact of your choices on your future and how you are influencing those around you.
Even if we avoid the amygdala attack, that is only a fraction of self-leadership necessary to succeed. We all need to be great at self-leadership, particularly during a challenging time like this when so much is at stake: our health, our jobs, our investments, our relationships, and our future. Some of this can be a bit painful but, just like physical exercise, the pain can lead to worthwhile benefits.
I see three major areas that make up Self-Leadership:
1. Check the Mirror of Self- Awareness
2. Turn on the Engine of Self-Management
3. Create the Road Map to Self-Development
This is a time for us to hold up the mirror of self-awareness. I was taught to dress in front of a full-length mirror. Doing so helps me observe if a tag is still on the shirt sleeve or if my collar is tucked in on one side. We cannot do something about things we do not see. Having a full-length reflection to see what isn’t right allows us to make those subtle and not so subtle corrections.
As a business coach, it is often my job to hold up the mirror for others so they can see what doesn’t look right. Take a moment to look in the mirror. Is there a lot of negative stuff going on in your head? Do you interrupt people a lot? Are you a perfectionist? Do you tend to wait until the last minute before getting on top of a project? Do you remember important dates? Are people feeling encouraged or discouraged after an encounter with you? Are things as you want them?
I’m not chastising, I’m just suggesting that these are things that require your awareness before they will be addressed. There are people in my life that hold up the mirror for me, my wife included. But, it is best when I do it for myself because I am always with me.
Once you are aware of something that doesn’t look right to you, you can engage in the next area of self-leadership, self-management. Yes, you manage you. You manage your behaviors, your commitments and even your thoughts. Turning on the engine of self-management and being sure you are fully engaged will yield improved results. This is where you move from default mode to choice mode. We make 35,000 decisions a day–some simple, some life-changing.
The choices we make should be based upon our values and goals. Equipped with greater self-awareness, we can recognize when we are handling those decisions and reactions impulsively or compliantly. We also can be aware of when we are ignoring choices we are faced with. Ideally, we manage ourselves by prioritizing and reflecting thoughtfully on decisions that have the greatest impact.
When we recognize the ability to manage ourselves, our time, our communication and our stress, we become more productive. It also sends a message to those leading us that they can delegate and give us a longer leash.
There are some areas where it will be more complex then simply redirecting our thoughts, focusing our time, and making better choices–this is where we need to create a road map to self-development. When we look in the mirror and find a flaw that is far more complex than a tag that needs to be cut off our shirt, we may need to make a plan.
Do you need anger management? Have an addition problem? Need to grieve a loss? Need to learn a new skill? Do your goals require a higher level of education?
These are not simple choices like holding your tongue when you’re tempted to interrupt someone. You may need a class, a support group, or additional resources. Do it. Get them. Don’t let these things stand in your way. Make a plan, get assistance, or enroll in the program.
You didn’t get where you are overnight and you can’t always quit cold turkey or step up without some training. A PDP, Personal Development Plan, is a great tool to see your way from here to a better future.
If you’d like to get some coaching or a Personal Development Plan, let us know.
About the Author
Bernie DeLaRosa, CFP®, ChFC®, CRPC®, CLU®, APMA®, CASL®, BFA™
Managing Business Consultant
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